Nov16

In my other life, when I’m not writing about movies, I write about basketball. And one column I have contributed to frequently is an ESPN gimmick called “5 on 5” in which they ask five so-called NBA experts their opinions on five different questions. It is fun to write for and, apparently, fun to read because the editors have told me it is very popular.

So … we figured we would unscrupulously rip it off here and do something similar regarding movies. Pretty low-bottom move, but do I seem like the type of person who can come up with good ideas on his own?

For the first edition, we’re talking Eddie Murphy, who recently announced he would not be hosting the Oscars. This came on the heels of this year’s Academy Awards producer, Brett Ratner, using a gay slur, being caught on tape doing so and promptly resigning his post (likely at the suggestion of someone involved with the show, me reckons). I really had no idea Murphy had such solidarity with Ratner, but he did just star in the rotund director’s Tower Heist so perhaps he was only doing the whole thing as a solid for Bruce in the first place. And when the Rush Hour auteur dropped out, Eddie, who recently did this Rolling Stone Q&A, had no reason to stick around.

Really, who cares? It’s the Oscars and they’re always horrible. But it gives us a good chance to revisit some of Eddie’s work from back when he didn’t suck. So we gathered up five of our favorite Movies About Gladiators contributors and asked a few questions. Below are their responses.

Enjoy.

Question 1: What’s the best Eddie Murphy movie?

Steve Barker: Coming to America. Thanks to that movie there are a billion fantasy football teams named “Sexual Chocolate.” The barbershop scene is classic.

Bill Coffin: Fucking hell, this guy has 49 actor credits on IMDB and I still can’t settle on one? I’ll go with Harlem Nights, but mainly for Redd Foxx’s turn in it. That and the scene when Arsenio Hall is promptly shot.

Dustin Freeley: Going to go with Coming to America here. Perhaps the ensemble cast — featuring mostly prosthetically altered versions of Murphy but also Arsenio Hall, James Earl Jones, Samuel L. Jackson, and Eriq LaSalle — puts this film in the lead; however, more importantly, it was his first venture into a multi-note, emotional character whose “royal penis is cleaned” before he relishes “a country so free, one can throw glass in the streets!”

Tim Adkins: There’s only one answer for this one: Coming to America. It’s as close to perfection as Eddie has ever flown.

Jared Wade: Trading Places. Eddie is relentless in this one, whether he is grifting as a paraplegic, threatening felons with his prowess as a karate man or trying to assimilate into the social stratosphere of Duke & Duke. And the craziest part is that his great performance is equaled by not just Dan Akroyd but by both Don Ameche and Ralph Bellamy (as the Duke brothers). Plus, let’s not forget about the part when Jamie Lee Curtis shows her great … acting. Yeah, acting.

Question 2: What’s your favorite Eddie Murphy character?

Steve Barker: The best Eddie Murphy Character is Eddie Murphy. With Raw and Delirious he created two of the funniest hours of comedy in history. It’s a shame he gave it up. It has been out over twenty years and my friends and I still recite bits from it when we hang out.

Bill Coffin: Those barbershop guys from Coming to America. I could have watched those guys jawbone for 90 minutes, easy.

Dustin Freeley: For reasons opposite the answer to number one, I’m picking Mr. Robinson from SNL. He’s not multidimensional. He’s full-on satirically reverse-racist — and it’s genius. I bet Mr. Rogers doesn’t have a secret compartment to store weed in the bottom of his “outdoor” shoes.

Tim Adkins: I like the character he played that had beef with Rick James. That “cocaine is a helluva drug” bit. What? That was Eddie’s brother. Well, that was my single favorite performance from anyone in the Murphy family.

Jared Wade: Buckwheat. Rewatched these skits recently and they remain just as funny in 2011. The “Hey, Mr. Wheat” line right before he gets assassinated will never get not make me laugh, and the whole premise is genius, particularly the follow-up “America Mourns.” And “Buh Weet Sings” is among the most legendary sketches in SNL history. “Wookin’ Pa Nub” and all.

Question 3: Who would be the ideal host for the Oscars?

Steve Barker: I’ve never watched the Oscars in my life. Not sure how I feel about Billy Crystal. Ever since City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold, it’s been all down hill for him. I think Chris Rock would make a good host. He was great on the MTV awards in early 2000 when he said “Having Paula Abdul judge a singing contest is like having Christopher Reeve judge a dance contest.”

Bill Coffin: Chris Tucker pretending to be a cranked-up caricature of Eddie Murphy. Which he kind of does already.

Dustin Freeley: Chris Rock. He’s the better version of Eddie Murphy. His humor is crude enough to surpass the Metamucil jokes being prepared for Billy Crystal, and his jokes are often pithy enough to avoid verbose setups that end in predictable failure (see Franco in a dress from last year), something that would put the focus back on the awards and less on the inorganic spectacle of the past few years.

Tim Adkins: Depends on what you value. If you like someone good with a quip, Steve Martin. If you prefer hot chicks spilling out of their dresses, then go with Sofia Vergara. Personally, I’d choose Sofia.

Jared Wade: Somebody who is actually funny in the year in which we currently live would be nice. Let’s go with either Stephen Colbert or Aziz Ansari. Your call, Academy. But leave the guys who were funny thirty years ago in the 80s. Billy Crystal, too.